Nobody 2 is a far cry from being one of the best new movies of the year so far. Before I dig a little deeper into what went wrong, I must stress that I cannot think of a single word more apt to describe it than ‘naff’.

For anyone unfamiliar with UK slang, the dictionary definition tells us the word ‘naff’ is “something that lacks taste or style,” and you’d generally use it to describe something that’s a little cringeworthy in its rubbishness. If you went to see a musical put on by a local amateur dramatics society, if your mum ordered something off of eBay that’s arrived looking nothing like its picture, if you’ve watched a total comedic flop like Nobody 2… they’re all excellent times to use it as a descriptor.

Four years after the original Nobody film – which was one of the most-watched movies on Netflix – took place, Bob Odenkirk’s oddball hitman Hutch Mansell is back, and this time, he just wants to catch a break. Taking his family on holiday to Plummerville – a quaint Midwestern town where his dad took him on his one and only vacation as a kid – Hutch unknowingly walks into the middle of a crime syndicate operated between the local cops and boss Lendina (Sharon Stone). From there, it’s outright chaos to get the freedom to be left alone, and it comes at a price for almost everyone involved. That, my friends, is more interesting than watching it. Better Call Saul, it is not.

It blows my mind that an action movie that’s so incredibly gory can be as simultaneously mundane as Nobody 2. If you took away the (genuinely impressive) kills, standoffs, and fluke accidents, you’re left with an end product that’s so forgettable, it wouldn’t even live up to being a satisfying movie to watch on the plane. Weirdly, it’s difficult to decide who or what is at fault, with everything blending together in one homogenous blur that if it was a spice, it would be flour.

Nobody 2 has managed to make violence boring with no laughs to boot

The main takeaway from Nobody 2 is that it’s just not funny. Odenkirk tries his best with a plain Jane script to land some comedic blows, but even his sharp and wry wit doesn’t really get very far. The concept of a hitman taking his family on vacation unknowingly to a criminal hotspot should be a slam dunk, but once you’ve seen the reality blow up in Hutch’s face once, you’ve seen the whole narrative arc. We don’t really move on from the “I don’t know what I’m doing here, but I’m going to take every wrong’un I see on to hopefully be left alone” mentality, which means structurally, Nobody 2 is more of a small hill than a giant rollercoaster. Which in itself is ironic, as there are some excruciatingly brilliant deaths involving various fairground rides.

So, where does the problem come from? For me, it’s a combination of script, general story direction, and a tendency to rely on gimmicks. Why do we need to properly unpack relationships and motives when we can just watch Odenkirk punch people, set money on fire (yes, something we saw the first time, big shock) and watch Stone’s villain stab people over a game of poker. Stone herself is introduced way too late in the game, making Plummerville’s criminal hierarchy convoluted and difficult to follow. We don’t really care about who she is (which apparently has no more substance than just ‘being crazy’) by the time we see her as we’ve been led to believe someone else is the main antagonist… but despite an objectively cool tonal switch, it’s hard to be invested in the stakes.

Of course, good is going to triumph over evil and a lot of bad guys are going down in the interim. Of course, our leads will fix their romantic family problems, and fall more in love with each other than they ever have been in their fractured little lives. If a film is going to hit so many expected plot points, it has to have something else to offer. Aside from bombastic violence choices – and more on that in a moment – Nobody 2 fails to check this box (although I’ll give it the surprise pipeline of Queen Vic landlord to M-style mafioso, but that probably only chimes a chord with the Brits).

It’s not all bad news… it’s just mostly bad news

I’m not that mean, though… Nobody 2 does have a few redeeming qualities. For starters, our cast put in solid ensemble performances, with Connie Nielsen’ Becca particularly stealing the spotlight while rightly putting Hutch in his place. It’s light-hearted fun to follow the family as they get in a few successful holiday frolics, and this is largely where the few laughs that do translate pay off. What really steals the show is the fight scenes. I know I’ve slated them a bit here, but boy, are they something to behold.

I do have to give it to the team for coming up with such creative ways for somebody to meet their maker. Faces get sliced horizontally in half, men are impaled on surfboards, and one even gets his head cut open on a table saw. Hutch kills people with the apologetic bumbling of a dad who just can’t help getting in the way, and the contrast works well in the heat of the moment. You’re probably going to dry heave, bring your hands to your mouth or gasp out loud in sudden shock. I did all three, and I’m feeling queasy just thinking back to those moments.

There might not be a method in the madness, but there is some fun. Nobody 2 is a pretty poor follow-up to an already pretty poor original action movie, though as my friends and I discussed after watching, the sequel (despite its dullness) is a definite improvement. We should all quit while we’re ahead and not make this a trilogy… Hutch said he wanted a rest, so let’s give him one.

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